April 20, 2008

Just When You Think...

O.k. I just had the scare of my life! After church I decided to finish building a fort for Jacob & Joey. Abby was in her bounce chair, being fed and content. Awhile later I came in and Matt noticed that her Micky button was GONE!!!! For those of you who don't know what this is, here is a photo to the right. This is placed in her tummy and her feeding tube attaches to it so she can eat. I have heard horror story's of kids pulling them out, but never thought Abby would be able to do this! This device is held in the stomach (see photo) by a balloon filled with water. This balloon is the size of a big bubble gum ball, now imagine this being pulled through the width of a straw!!! Not only is that shocking, but this hole IMMEDIATELY begins to close if something is not put back in ASAP! Well I had been in the garage for a few hours (yes I had the monitor with me) and when I rushed to see her, the hole was closed!!!! I ran upstairs and grabbed the catheter that they give you as a temporary plug to keep the hole open until you can get to the hospital. When I tried to push it in she giggled and then immediately started to cry... when you cry you use your stomach muscles which made it that much harder... I was desperately praying I would not hurt her and that it would go in, that it was not closed so we didn't have to do an emergency surgery to re-open! Finally I got it in, but then had to find the Mickey button, re-lube that pull out the catheter and re-insert the Mickey! Oh it began to bleed and I began to go numb, all I saw in an instant was us in the waiting room of Children's hospital... I felt like such a failure! Thank the Good Lord I got it in and she is sleeping now. I tell you just when you think everything is fine BAM! When Abby was less than a month old we had to make the decision to have this surgery done in order for her to survive, that was the hardest decision I think Matt and I ever had to make. Just the thought of her little body being cut into in and foreign objects being put in place in order for her to survive, I am so thankful for otherwise she would not be with us now, but I remember vividly that I could not stomach even looking at this Mickey button and would get quezzy when I HAD to as her caretaker. God has allowed me to go through some really ruff stuff, things that I never thought or could imagine I would have to endure, but He is faithful and just and full of mercy and each moment of each trying second He has held me, encouraged me and never left my side. He has never asked me to go it alone and this afternoon He was right there with me giving me the strength to do something that normally would make me loose it. Thank you Father.

My Past Writings