April 27, 2008

Imagine With Me If You Will...

Imagine with me if you will that your child is not able to communicate with you. Imagine they can not understand your touch or words. Imagine them crying out in sheer pain and you are helpless because you can not ask them what is wrong. Is it a headache, is it teething pain, is it an itch? Imagine tearing off clothes to see if he/she has somehow scratched him/herself. Imagine looking at hands, fingers and arms to see if there are bite marks. Could it be a tickle in the ear, could it be tummy gas, could it be lower bowel pain? Could it be hunger pains, sleep deprived, soar muscles or joints? Could it be that they bit their tongue or lip, or another pain in their body somewhere, a sore throat or a sickness coming on. Imagine holding your child, 30lbs of dead weight, fighting you by arching, swinging arms, screams of pain right in your ear and there is not one thing that you can do. The more you try an soothe the more angry they get. If you lay them down they scream, if you rock they scream, if you sing they scream... So you hold them and walk as you cry out to God to please give you patience so you don't loose it and wisdom to know maybe a little something so you can help! Imagine the torment of sheer frustration boiling up inside because you can not make it all better. Imagine wanting to scream inside and out, but you resist trying to control your own emotions because it would only scare them more and everyone else in ears shot! Imagine coaching yourself by repeating in your mind; "it will pass, this will pass, sometime it has to pass." All the time wondering if something major is beginning to happen... and your mind shoots straight towards seizures just as your child jolts in your arms! Imagine your heart dropping and you immediately pray..."Please God NO!" A lump instantly appears in your throat... she's breathing heavy in your arms and that quickly has fallen asleep and you remember to breathe. This has been my evenings for the past week and I am weary of my nights. We have reduced Abby's seizure medicine by 1/2 and I think she is having a negative reaction. Both Matt and I have notice her jolting occasionally and then she stares off and that is it, But in the evenings well... you can now imagine what I go through. Please pray for us as we contact Dr. Devinskie tomorrow. I will keep you posted... no pun intended it is too late!

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