March 16, 2008

Precious Sleep

Last night the Lord was so sweet to wake me up with Abby's cries. I attended her & she quickly went back to sleep and as I turned to leave I got a blurry glimpse of an enormous yellow moon! I ran to my room found my glasses and came back to see this beautiful site at 3:16am! It was just for me I felt as the world around me was sleeping! He reminded me of how majestic He is and that He loves me and is still on His throne & in control even when my "little life" in Abby’s room in the wee hours are not.

Just when I think things are getting better for us at night, some bump arises and we're off yet again! One thing we take advantage of is the simple fact babies ultimately wean themselves and they begin to sleep through the night. Well, we are going on 3 years now of ebbs and flows of inconsistent sleep. There are time brackets of pure sleep through the nights, but even the good nights I am up with Abby a minimum of 3 times. This is just to put her head back on her pillow, rotate her, help her if she gets her head stuck in the corner of her bed or to re-cover her as she can’t pull her covers up & she gets cold. When she is sick, teething or who knows what, I am up at least 10-15 times a night dealing with a growing child that is not easily calmed because she cognitively doesn’t understand what is happening. I suction her because she can not cough and spit, nor can she blow her nose! I administer meds and try to somehow ease whatever it is that she is going through.

It is here in the wee hours of the mornings that I rustle with God as to what He is teaching me and to be honest, just feel sheer frustration! God has given me this child, entrusted me with her and 8 out of 10 times I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO... I am sleep deprived & frustrated as she screams in my arms, arches her back because she does not want to be held... and when put down, she screams harder. Oh how this is so painful as her mommy! So if you would, please remember pray for me in this area and Matt too... Bless his heart he has to endure the cries & screaming and get up refreshed for work!

On a side note, I love the Lord! He is good and He knows how tired I am and yet will bless me at times with Abby finally falling asleep on my shoulder. Being able to feel her little body melt into mine... Something I don’t get to feel often because she is ridged & stiff when held. These are our special Mother daughter dances only we share in the midnight hours and I love it.

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